Benighted
by HiddenWolf
Summary: A walkthrough in Achilles' mind.Iliad-verse.


Title: Benighted  
  
Pairing: Achilles/Patroclus,Achilles/Pentheselia,implied Achilles/Briseis  
  
Summary: A walkthrough in Achilles' mind.  
  
Warnings: Dark,disturbing  
  
A/N: To make the timeline more clear,the third-person narration part takes place during the battle between the Amazons and the Greeks,which occured a bit after Hector's funeral.The first-person narration part takes place between the Greek's first defeat by the Trojans and before the Embassy to Achilles (Books 8-9 of the Iliad).  
  
Since this is my first fic,be as harsh as you can.  
  
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The Achaeans had been fighting the Amazons the whole day,but now their leader was fallen and the battle for them was more like a hunt,their spirits were enthralled,lusting for vengeance- killing their way to make the enemy leave their dust and dead behind.  
  
Achilles was bent before the fallen woman. He ardently admired her when the two of them were duelling. Grace clad with masculine strength.  
  
He took her helmet off to observe her whole. Beautiful dark features,the eyes of a sufferer and a tender mouth.Such a wild beauty.  
  
She had paid the prize of a murder.She marched here in all her glory, to save the doomed. She died to help.  
  
Such a few, fainting differences.  
  
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I left the moody noon and Zeus' raged thunders outside when I entered my darker tent. There was only the weak fire in there that was put to break the freeze. When he noticed that I came,Patroclus appeared before me- he had been waiting.Like a loyal dog, one could say. In reality he was just a worried man.  
  
"You hear that?" I asked.  
  
"He is responding to your prayer..."  
  
"They've been losing and retreating since dawn. Now they are struggling to keep Hector away from that freshly made wall of theirs. Being groundless like that they are very vulnerable to the Trojans and for sure a lot of them will be killed today, even by their own spears and the fosse they dug." I described pleased.  
  
"Though," I continued "the Trojans won't manage to eliminate them until sunset. That is more likely to happen tomorrow."  
  
He was frowning. "Do you desire this so much?"  
  
"You should have seen Agamemnon running in panic from his hut, holding his chiton,then climbing on a ship and yelling at the soldiers." I said snickering "he wasn't expecting them so soon to come this near to his safe shelter."  
  
He was not amused like I was. Still this wouldn't effect my mood. The battle sounds could be heard behind the thunderblasts now.  
  
"I expect that Agamemnon will come pleading me to return, tonight.Though I highly doubt that he'll do this personally...Until then, I want to relax. Pass me the silver lyre."  
  
When he turned to bring what used to be king Aetion's, I walked in the yard again to temporarily lock my gate. The wind was blowing colder and stronger, the clouds had become so thick that made it appear to be dusk. Zeus was the only God at present today. And until I would have my way.  
  
When finished, I entered and sat nearby the fire and kicked another cider in it. My turn to have some luxuries in this army.  
  
Patroclus offered me the lyre- I reached my arm and then clasped the hand that was holding the metal.  
  
"Tell me,why are you with them?" my voice was all but severe.  
  
"...You do not hate them,Achilles. Why are you letting them be destroyed?And you love her. Why are you exiling her for a second time?"  
  
Like always- he was thinking with his feelings. Like I do, but so differently.  
  
"You are right,I do not hate them," I said taking the lyre but still holding him "I just watch them leading themselves to demise, apathetic as a statue."  
  
A mite of my bitterness should have been shown since I saw a chaste concern on his face. But he mostly seemed scared.  
  
"And Briseis..." I added "She is the real innocent victim in all this. She doe snot deserve the slightest of what she is going through.But it is necessary."  
  
He should have been wondering how an emotional man like me, could be proved so senseless.I did,too,but with no regret for anything.  
  
Patroclus just stood there, his eyes reflecting disappointment.The dim light of the fire near us was toning the signs of his sorrow, the shroud of darkness around and the cold silence that was broken only by the wind outside, were giving him an unearthly aura- like a wandering soul over me.  
  
Any person would be spooked by this regretful view-the one he usually has whenever guilt overtakes him-but I have always found it amazingly charming. I stood up,letting his hand,and we looked at each other.  
  
"I do not force them to fight, Patroclus.They have made their own choices, as I did." I grinned at his pleading look and touched his shoulders.   
  
"If it is meant for them to die, be it so.And take all the Trojans in Hades with them.Kill each other. Let only the two of us remain alive." I ended placing my forehead on his.  
  
For me,that was my purest confession of my love, the exposion of my whole loyalty and bond- to wish for us to be intimate and proudly living, rulers of the vastest cemetery.  
  
For him,it was the signature of my cruelty. But I could see that he understood- in fact,he has always been the only one who could understand. This is why he felt so unable, he knew that a lifetime slipped from my fingers.The young boiling blood would not keep it, wounds and questions afterwards would gradually open the eyes, until the cause of my wrath sealed the realization.  
  
Accepting this and knowing that he will not accept my indifference for the others' fate and that I for now will not submit to his caring for it, he remained straight and rigit, waiting to let him go and return to my previous need to sing. But I had changed my mind and forgot my decision to relax. It was one of the few chances for us to be alone like that and its been a while for me to be so mezmerized.I curled my fingers on the black hair on his neck.  
  
"She will be better with Agamemnon. At least she will not have to live with her destroyer." I whispered,trying to calm him. He was cold and resented,not letting himself yield, but didn't want to avoid or stop me.  
  
Suddenly, but carefully, hugging him with one arm, I threw him on the ground.He found himself beneath me, next to the fire and on the chilly earth. Despite the dark and the shadows around,he was ardently visible to me there and after pausing a bit, I leaned down to nibble his neck.Using my hand to loose his white chiton I placed kisses on his face and lips- but he wouldn't kiss me back, or at all respond.  
  
He did not know this was making me want him so more.  
  
Knowing that he was being true to his feelings-sympathetic to let me release the pressed frustration since my wrath,yet his heart denying to be an abettor- I moved lower on Patroclus' now nude torso. I neared it, inhaled it's masculine scent, then tasted the skin kissing,licking from the chest to the stomach,sucking,feeling the solid muscles under my lips and tongue. He was refusing to receive any pleasure while the others were struggling outside, so I was seeking to increase my own excitement.  
  
My hips rested between his limbs and there I had forgotten the cold, as always.I gazed down at his lying form and shiverred. Peaceful, resting, so calm-like dreaming-with half litted eyes looking and not looking at me the same time.I pressed my lips gently to his, caressed his lips with mine and then tenderly kissed them.  
  
Using my hands to lift the unresisting thighs I slightly knelt to position myself.Leaving his mouth my head rested over his shoulder, on his hair, and after a short I was inside.  
  
I was moving him with the motion of my body.He was surrendered,open and taking- taking every part of me, for I wanted to give him all, to confirm my confession and I made my skin burn over his, erupt inside him and sweated collapse spent of it all.  
  
I remained there, letting the blindness of passion drift away, my chest pressing his from my heavy breaths. With my head still beside his neck I was unsure what this could have left him with.Because, I had passed the borderline again.  
  
Between the curls of my hair, I felt the smooth caress of his fingers. I was forgiven again.  
  
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The soldier who had touched Achilles' head flinched back as Achilles dazed and shocked rose his bust.He blinked.With a blurred vision noticed that his comrades, most of them from a quite big distance,were watching him. It seemed they had been there for some time...  
  
When he started to regain his senses, and felt the flesh underneath him,its warmth and narrowness surrounding him- he remembered. That he was in the midst of a battle,and had forgotten it, forgotten his comrades, the enemy and their existense.In an instance it had been only him and the laying dark body.  
  
He supported himself on his arms,and saw her: her neckline violently slitted, the pouring blood messing her armour,her hair and the ground. The corpse beneath him was twisted, dirtied with filth and dump-as so was he.The thick crimson covering him, fell in drops on her dusted face.He was still inside her, so pulled away,leaving the dead organ and stood on his legs, the hardness between them shamelessly exposed.  
  
He just did a few steps here and there thinking and feeling nothing. The previous silence was now replaced by some quiet mumblings of the others and gradually to more vocal mutterings.  
  
This place was annoying, it made Achilles feel that he was caged by the presence of everyone there,and wanted to escape. And this commotion they made was slowly sealing him there to breath alone the stench of his own sickness. He just wanted to get away and be alone in this new graveyard.  
  
The noises around were nauseating him ,especially one.That voice was louder than the rest, but differed because of it's tone.He still was unable to figure anything,but it was clear that this one was mocking him,and that realization made the voice louder in his ears. So he could hear the words.  
  
He turned to the crowd furious and walked big fast steps towards it- in seconds he was already there,Thersites cut his current sentence, Achilles' eyes were invading his,the men went dump and heard the smashing sound. And Thersites was also what he had just called dead meat.  
  
There was silence, then turbulance behind him. He didn't care- he took in his arms what he lost, and begun striding across the shadowed plains. 


End file.
